Tired.

I seem to be in a rut. 

Some days I feel like I'm always trying so hard to be the best Mom, wife, friend, daughter....the list is endless. But most days I feel like I can barely keep my head above the water. I know I'm not alone. But jeez I swear when you have babies no one tells you how hard it really is. To make the ends connect. It's hard. Is it worth it? Yes. It 100% is. 

But sometimes I lose myself. Which makes me feel so out of control or lost. Or short tempered with everyone. Becoming a mom is such a wonderful and challenging job. It's by far the hardest job I've had. Would I do it again? Absolutely. No one tells you about seeing your son hit the ball for the first time...or your daughter in a beautiful gown walking down the aisle with her bouncy curls and flower girl basket.

I'm so guilty of saying oh you just wait until they are fighting to new moms of 2. Or something similar..why don't I tell them how mine are best friends and the first time you see it happen it makes you cry? And they are always looking for each other? How I'm amazed by their bond? And envious of not having my own sibling. 

From this day forward I'm starting over. I can do that right? I vow to stop being pretentious and start living one day at a time. And try my best. My very best. I may not be super mom, a fabulous wife, best friend I should be or daughter of the year...but I'm me. And that's enough. Take me or leave me. But my best is always good enough. If you made it this far thanks for listening to my rant. 

Tomorrow's a new day.

Waiting/room update!

It's been 2 weeks since my last post. I'm still waiting for inspiration. 

Baseball is about over so I can start attending meetings again. Maybe that will help. In the meant time back to posting. 

Sooooo the playroom is about done. 

Those are paint swatches from Lowes!!! Shhhhh! I used a  couple different sized punches but it turned out so awesome!!!! Thanks Lindsay for the idea!!!! 

Old playroom is the new man room! Now I'll be Black Friday shopping for a tv! 

This set is one of my most prized possessions it was in my great grandmothers bar. It has names carved in it starting around the 40s. 

Still 1.5 rooms left for the big switch! 

 

The elephant in the room.

2.5 years. 

I've been doing Weight Watchers for 2.5 years. Uh say what? That's almost $1,200.00 on 30 lbs. yes. That's legit. 

I've lost 30-40 lbs total. I've gained back 10. And I'm still doing weight watchers. Uh or paying to do weight watchers. 

And yet, for some reason it doesn't click ever. 

I've lusted over Mama laughlin for years. But yet it still doesn't matter. And why? 

My dad died at 53 of a massive heart attack. Do you know what that means? Excessive build up of plaque in his arteries...from bad chlorostrol. From food he choose to put in his mouth. Yet. It still hasn't fully clicked. 

My mom has lost almost 100 lbs in the 2 years since his death. She's doing amazing. One would think I would be inspired. But yet it still hasn't fully happend. 

Yes I've lost weight. But not enough by any means. 

I'll go balls to the wall and stop. Why? 

Do I want my children to know what this feels like? No. I don't wish this on my worst enemy. But yet I still make no long term changes. I'm maintaining so I'm subconsciously making some "right" choices. But not enough. 

I want to see my grandchildren grow up. I want to live until I'm 90 with the hubs. I want to retire and travel the world. Or really just go to Junk gypsy headquarters in Texas. But I have living to do. And it's going to pass me by.

I actually loved running. Yup. Haven't done that in months. Why? It's the cheapest therapy you will ever find. 

Maybe I need to become accountable to someone else. Maybe making this post will hold me accountable to others. 

I'm tired of this. But is it enough to make the final change? 

Pic on left is from 2 years ago. Pic on right recent. 

I feel like its so hard to line up all my the ducks in a row to always be successful. My life is so hectic. My husband eats like a 15 year old boy and gains no weight. He always works his ass off everyday. (Again why doesn't that click?!) 

It's hard. And I'm the ONLY one who can want this. Or want this to work. It's going to be a struggle for me my entire life. I like wine a lot. That's not too helpful. However if I would exersice or move maybe I could drink like a fish. I say I'm going to join the gym. That lasted 2 weeks. I mean what else does it take for motivation? 

I can't be the only person who has such a hard time with balancing it all. Being a wife, making wonderful dinner, being a Mom, giving the kids special treats, (they LOVE doughnuts) and I have no will power, cleaning, running a business and my newest position helping at my aunts bakery! A bakery?!???? Say what! Maybe it will have a reverse affect and I won't want any of it. Doubtful. 

Perhaps I'll start a weekly weigh in. Maybe I will get super personal for my 5 followers and lay it all on the table. 

Or maybe I'll lock myself in my closet and eat cookies. I mean I bought pumpkin cheesecake cookies. Ugh that was helpful. Smart ass. 

Random but is never know how to end a post. 

So I guess I'll start doing post on if I'm losing or gaining. 

And this is in my inbox. 

I mean really Starbucks? 

Play Room Re do

The new playroom is almost all done!!!! (and now I have a HUGE mess in the old one!)

So we moved our existing playroom out of the original "dining room" into our 4th bedroom now that the basement is done and Mom has moved down. We painted 1 wall with Rust-Oleums Chalkboard Paint from Home Depot. It took 2 coats and had to be BRUSHED on! I attempted to roll it on and it was awful. It must be too thick for that I assume?? 

HUGE mess! Thank god I had plastic on the floor!!!!

Ok, so after the chalk wall was all done. I ran to lowes to pick out paint. Picked the top one....

And at this point I'm getting concerned it may look like a school bus with the black chalk wall!!

I painted and painted and painted. And I hate painting. I mean hate it. Normally I give up and the Mr saves me. Thank god that happened and he did! Whew! So we finished it all up on Friday. 

My pretty bus! 

So now what to hang on the walls?! My BFF is coming to write something pretty at the top of the window. And I still have to take pics with the toys in it. BUT I left a huge mess in the old playroom soon to be man room. Ugh.

I have a DIY post for tomorrow in the works!