Tired.

I seem to be in a rut. 

Some days I feel like I'm always trying so hard to be the best Mom, wife, friend, daughter....the list is endless. But most days I feel like I can barely keep my head above the water. I know I'm not alone. But jeez I swear when you have babies no one tells you how hard it really is. To make the ends connect. It's hard. Is it worth it? Yes. It 100% is. 

But sometimes I lose myself. Which makes me feel so out of control or lost. Or short tempered with everyone. Becoming a mom is such a wonderful and challenging job. It's by far the hardest job I've had. Would I do it again? Absolutely. No one tells you about seeing your son hit the ball for the first time...or your daughter in a beautiful gown walking down the aisle with her bouncy curls and flower girl basket.

I'm so guilty of saying oh you just wait until they are fighting to new moms of 2. Or something similar..why don't I tell them how mine are best friends and the first time you see it happen it makes you cry? And they are always looking for each other? How I'm amazed by their bond? And envious of not having my own sibling. 

From this day forward I'm starting over. I can do that right? I vow to stop being pretentious and start living one day at a time. And try my best. My very best. I may not be super mom, a fabulous wife, best friend I should be or daughter of the year...but I'm me. And that's enough. Take me or leave me. But my best is always good enough. If you made it this far thanks for listening to my rant. 

Tomorrow's a new day.

Waiting/room update!

It's been 2 weeks since my last post. I'm still waiting for inspiration. 

Baseball is about over so I can start attending meetings again. Maybe that will help. In the meant time back to posting. 

Sooooo the playroom is about done. 

Those are paint swatches from Lowes!!! Shhhhh! I used a  couple different sized punches but it turned out so awesome!!!! Thanks Lindsay for the idea!!!! 

Old playroom is the new man room! Now I'll be Black Friday shopping for a tv! 

This set is one of my most prized possessions it was in my great grandmothers bar. It has names carved in it starting around the 40s. 

Still 1.5 rooms left for the big switch! 

 

The elephant in the room.

2.5 years. 

I've been doing Weight Watchers for 2.5 years. Uh say what? That's almost $1,200.00 on 30 lbs. yes. That's legit. 

I've lost 30-40 lbs total. I've gained back 10. And I'm still doing weight watchers. Uh or paying to do weight watchers. 

And yet, for some reason it doesn't click ever. 

I've lusted over Mama laughlin for years. But yet it still doesn't matter. And why? 

My dad died at 53 of a massive heart attack. Do you know what that means? Excessive build up of plaque in his arteries...from bad chlorostrol. From food he choose to put in his mouth. Yet. It still hasn't fully clicked. 

My mom has lost almost 100 lbs in the 2 years since his death. She's doing amazing. One would think I would be inspired. But yet it still hasn't fully happend. 

Yes I've lost weight. But not enough by any means. 

I'll go balls to the wall and stop. Why? 

Do I want my children to know what this feels like? No. I don't wish this on my worst enemy. But yet I still make no long term changes. I'm maintaining so I'm subconsciously making some "right" choices. But not enough. 

I want to see my grandchildren grow up. I want to live until I'm 90 with the hubs. I want to retire and travel the world. Or really just go to Junk gypsy headquarters in Texas. But I have living to do. And it's going to pass me by.

I actually loved running. Yup. Haven't done that in months. Why? It's the cheapest therapy you will ever find. 

Maybe I need to become accountable to someone else. Maybe making this post will hold me accountable to others. 

I'm tired of this. But is it enough to make the final change? 

Pic on left is from 2 years ago. Pic on right recent. 

I feel like its so hard to line up all my the ducks in a row to always be successful. My life is so hectic. My husband eats like a 15 year old boy and gains no weight. He always works his ass off everyday. (Again why doesn't that click?!) 

It's hard. And I'm the ONLY one who can want this. Or want this to work. It's going to be a struggle for me my entire life. I like wine a lot. That's not too helpful. However if I would exersice or move maybe I could drink like a fish. I say I'm going to join the gym. That lasted 2 weeks. I mean what else does it take for motivation? 

I can't be the only person who has such a hard time with balancing it all. Being a wife, making wonderful dinner, being a Mom, giving the kids special treats, (they LOVE doughnuts) and I have no will power, cleaning, running a business and my newest position helping at my aunts bakery! A bakery?!???? Say what! Maybe it will have a reverse affect and I won't want any of it. Doubtful. 

Perhaps I'll start a weekly weigh in. Maybe I will get super personal for my 5 followers and lay it all on the table. 

Or maybe I'll lock myself in my closet and eat cookies. I mean I bought pumpkin cheesecake cookies. Ugh that was helpful. Smart ass. 

Random but is never know how to end a post. 

So I guess I'll start doing post on if I'm losing or gaining. 

And this is in my inbox. 

I mean really Starbucks? 

Play Room Re do

The new playroom is almost all done!!!! (and now I have a HUGE mess in the old one!)

So we moved our existing playroom out of the original "dining room" into our 4th bedroom now that the basement is done and Mom has moved down. We painted 1 wall with Rust-Oleums Chalkboard Paint from Home Depot. It took 2 coats and had to be BRUSHED on! I attempted to roll it on and it was awful. It must be too thick for that I assume?? 

HUGE mess! Thank god I had plastic on the floor!!!!

Ok, so after the chalk wall was all done. I ran to lowes to pick out paint. Picked the top one....

And at this point I'm getting concerned it may look like a school bus with the black chalk wall!!

I painted and painted and painted. And I hate painting. I mean hate it. Normally I give up and the Mr saves me. Thank god that happened and he did! Whew! So we finished it all up on Friday. 

My pretty bus! 

So now what to hang on the walls?! My BFF is coming to write something pretty at the top of the window. And I still have to take pics with the toys in it. BUT I left a huge mess in the old playroom soon to be man room. Ugh.

I have a DIY post for tomorrow in the works! 

Birthdays.

Birthday Parties.

My sweet boy turned 5 on Saturday. 5 years OLD. How that happened I have NO idea. 

So of course when you are 5 years old and in preschool and have a huge family you have to have a party! This year Lane requested a Party at our local bounce house.

 I thought about it..and thought about it...talked it over with hubs and decided it sounded perfect!! I had NOTHING to do. I didn't have to run around spending hours away from my family cleaning the house...or making pinterest-worthy party goodies, I didn't have to drop tons and tons of money on food. And let me tell you. It was so far my favorite party! I actually had the time to enjoy it! I enjoyed how much my kids and the hubs loved it. He was right in there with the kids! It was such a blast! And I couldn't have wished for a better party.

 I always feel anxious and so much pressure when we have parties at home....It takes me weeks to prepare and I just can't always find the time to get it all done. (Don't even give me "Well your a stay at home Mom, how do you not have time"). Running a business takes time as well. I'm not quite sure how working full time Moms get it all done. But my hats off to them! So it may not have had cute cupcake toppers, UH we had Glazed donuts (that's all my boy eats for sweets), No goody bags who keeps those anyways unless they have $,  I didn't even order the 5.00 a piece balloons...instead they had good ol' fashion fun, lifetime memories and I didn't have to waste hours making sure my house was clean enough. Speaking of "clean enough" for who?! WHY do we do this to ourselves?! And don't get me wrong. I have had tons of parties for the kids or anyone for that matter and have done all of these things. But not this year. This year was for fun. And fun we had!! I hope he remembers this party just the way I do.

 I do wish these birthdays would slow down. I need another baby. 



I'm starting the new play room! Were moving the playroom up to the extra room since the basement is done now ( I know, it needs a post!). I'm doing a chalkboard wall on one wall and painting the other 3. The old playroom will now be the MAN room and the office is moving up to the alcove (I have no idea why its called that) the area above the foyer. Ours is closed in. thank god because I'm a hoarder.   Now to clean out the playroom. I have NO idea where all of these toys came from!?!?!?!

Five on Friday!

Linking up with

http://alizadventures.blogspot.com/2013/09/five-on-friday_27.html?m=1

For Five on Friday! 

1. My Baby boy will be 5 tomorrow. And I can't understand how? Where has 5 years gone?

2. I love love this. Preach it girl! 

3. MUMS!

4. I'm going to Target today. And I'm not sure I can control myself from NOT buying these babies. 

 5. Play room has moved up to the old man room/ Moms old bedroom. New man room will be the old playroom. 

Like my racks?!

Goodwill

Can we discuss the Goodwill? 

We have at least 5 in our area alone. I of course have a favorite. 

If you don't shop at Goodwill your missing out. 

I remember growing up or ok during my teenage years thinking ugh I'm never going to shop there! Yea right!!!!! Holy moly have I found some fantastic scores lately. Gap, Nike, Lilly Pulitzer, Under Armour, Ralph Lauren, Gymboree...the list goes on.... 

It's now become an obsession. To see what kind of deals I can find for as little as possible. I'm so amazed what people get rid of!  I'm looking for furniture really but I can't ever seem to find that. I do see it but in other peoples carts. Ha!!!! 

So that's my PSA for today. Check your goodwill out. You seriously never know what you will find! 

Don't judge my closet. At all. 

This fantastic leopard cardi is from Gap...bought at Goodwill for 5- oh and the green shirt underneath Goodwill scrore as well! For like 1.50 during 50% off! (Certain color tags change weekly!)