I get so tired of watching what I eat I could scream.
I don't care that it's bad for me.
I get so sick of hearing about weight loss.
I don't care that you lost 1 lb or gained 10.
I get so frustrated by my lack of caring. That I just don't care anymore.
I. Don't. Care.
I get so tired of being consumed by food.
I'm sick of the battle or constant Talks and not changing 1 single thing.
It defines me. As a failure. And fail is something I refuse to allow.
That statement boldly indicates I care.
The last 3 years have drastically changed me. Not for the better most days. More often then not I go to call him and can hardly breathe let alone think about food. 3 years seem like a lifetime. But it isn't. I miss my Dad every single day. I'm letting it define me. I've become hard, cold and quite frankly I don't care. People in your life other then those drastically affected move on with their lives. Naturally. I feel like they forget. And sadly don't care. Intentionally or not.
I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to start caring. I don't know how to keep moving ahead. I know it's time. For my health, my babies, my amazing husband and my dear friends.
2 comments:
I just found your blog through Holly's giveaway and scrolled down to read this post. In June it will be 4 years since my dad passed away and I miss him every single day. I think about him constantly and can 110% relate to that quote. It's been a hard 4 years and the pain hasn't gone away. I think I've just learned to live with it? I don't know. All I know is there is no one way to go through what you have to go through after you lose someone. You think you get past it and then something sneaks up on you. Some days I have to fake it til I make it.
Yea I mean it just sucks. Sometimes I have no other words but it just sucks.
Fake it till we make it...so very true.
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